Things left unsaid

So many things to say but
Can’t find the words to say.
Thoughts consume blindly
Leading into a black hole.

Future looks oh so bleak
There is a fog growing here.
Past incidents, do you remember?
They’re turning into lies.

Holding on desperately to
Memories, fading from the timeline:
Events, don’t you remember?
Their traces starting to crumble.

Nothing I do, nothing I say,
Can take the blame away,
Can make the memories stay,
Keep from turning into lies,
Their purpose now lying bare,
Haunting me, staring back.

Words, losing their meaning
Sentences, losing their structure,
Their illusion now breaking, and
Hypocrisy overwhelming, violent.

No forgiveness, no compassion,
No consideration, no consolation.
Words we said, do you remember?
Just another desperate pile.

Feelings left wanting, and
Thoughts left unsaid or forgotten.
Memories we had, don’t you remember?
Be gentle, just this one time.

My inadequacy bares a jealous rage, about
Things They have, and how you portray, about
Things You want that I do not possess.
Too easy to fool ourselves, too late to make amends,
I could take you to the moon and back,
But I couldn’t make you feel safe.

*

Quiet pangs of desperation ease,
Smoothly rush, and gush, out of
Every wound that ruptured the skin:
No tramadol for the soul exists.

Words now starting to fail, their’s
Is a psychosomatic culprit.
From disbelief to denial –
A meltdown in the making.

Give way.

To an uneasy realisation, a
New low I sink to everyday, that
I, my own Daedalus, made wings of wax, for
I, my own Icarus, knowing full well, that
I, myself, will fly too close to the sun, and
Be squatted like a fly, watch my wings burn,
Like the wizard that tried to fly, that
Fell from the tower to his death, knowing that
I, would do this knowingly, again and again,
See myself burn and suffer, again and again,
For you, without remorse, without honour or dignity,
Without fail,
All for naught,
All to see my hopes and dreams crash and burn,
Up into flames before my eyes,
And I would do them, again and again,
Again and again,
Because I don’t want to forget,
I don’t want to forget those days
Spent in darkness on a creaking bed,
Hiding from the sun,
Discovering each other,
Exploring each other.

I don’t want to forget the foolish words we said,
I don’t want to forget the foolish promises we made,
About ‘always’.

I don’t want the memories to fade,
I don’t want the cruel tides of the present, to
Snatch away what we had,
Our little secret,
Forever and always.

Yet, the fool, will always be a fool,
I, my own Tithonus, that fell in love with
You, my own Eos, now grow old and weak and feeble,
Slowly disappearing into your brightness,
While you have found newer light to shine, and
Continue to grow and glow and rhyme.

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